Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Bulletin Bloopers

I've been showing these to my students for several days now and they asked me to post them. Here they are! 

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1-Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

4-Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the House. Don't forget your husbands.

5-The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

7-Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

8-Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again, "giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

9-For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11-Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

12-The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth into Joy."

13-Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16-Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

17-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

18-Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered.

19-Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

20-The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

21-Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.

23-This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

26-Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.

28-Weight Watchers! will meet at 7 PM at the First  Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

29-The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

No comments:

Post a Comment

I do appreciate any observations or questions you may have.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.